I’ve been driving around a fair bit recently heading up to the Lake District to sail my boat and travelling down to Reading to go to the office and the thing that I keep noticing is the petrol price is always 104.9p per litre or 115.9p per litre. Why do they have to keep putting the 0.9 on the end of it?
Do oil companies think drivers go "tskkk, just look at that, it’s 115p per litre now. Still at least it’s not 116p". Well, people really aren’t that fucking stupid now are they. It’s like when people advertise their house at £299,999 because then it’s not advertised for £300k and it "sounds cheaper". Fucking imbeciles the lot of them.
So dear petrol stations and home sellers, let’s call a spade a spade and stop fannying around with 0.9p or knocking £1 of a £300,000 pound house. Jesus.
Rachael, Chris, Me, Louise and Helen.
Bunch of psychos the lot of ’em. Taken at the beer festival in Bispham Green. May 08.
A long time ago back when I was suicidally stupid rather than today when I am just a bit of a thickie, Aggy and I went to California for a skydiving holiday. We’re both alive to tell the tale so it didn’t go too badly.
On the final day we had videos made of us doing our solo jumps. You’ll notice my exit from the plane doesn’t go too well and I somersault for about five thousand feet. I meant to do that, seriously!
All good clean fun.
A long long time ago, in an employ far far away we had to make a stupid corporate video for Openwave. It really was a complete waste of time and money.
Still we had a laugh making our little part of it, and it was better than working.
The line up is Me, Abigail Kroon-Herbert, Martin Bradshaw and Denis Gershongoren. The man behind the camera is Robert Wakeling.
Somehow, and I’m not too sure how, but somehow, I managed to lose the SIM card that I use for doing data stuff whilst travelling. It’s invariably in a phone in my cupboard somewhere – or tucked into that condom pocket of a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn for a while – nevertheless, I can’t find it and it’s pissing me off.
So I called those helpful little girls and boys in Carphone Warehouse and mentioned that I’d lost it so they passed me over to the O2 sales team who told me it would cost me 15 quid for a new SIM. I’ve lost hundreds [ well probably not hundreds but quite a few I reckon ] of these little rectangular plastic bastards with a little bit chopped out of the corner and never has anyone asked me to pay 15 pounds for the privilege of receiving a new one. In fact, it happened just a few months ago when I lost my phone and SIM that is from a direct contract with O2. They couldn’t be more helpful. A new SIM was sorted out and sent out to me the next day. Could it be that due to my average bill on that SIM being about 200 quid they were pretty keen to keep me as a customer? Or could it be that unlike Carphone Warehouse, O2 seem to have a fucking clue?
So they want me to give them money so that I can use the SIM to generate data on their network which they will then charge me money for. Fuck that! If they want my cash then the bunch of pricks can send me a new fucking SIM, Jesus!
The situation now is that I’m waiting for the contract to end [ September ] and in the meantime have to pay them the line rental on the SIM – ho hum. Then promptly on 7th September I will jam my foot into the anus of Carphone Warehouse and tell them I’ll be taking my custom elsewhere.
Carphone Warehouse have crap customer service and I’ll not be dealing with that bunch of pricks again…once I’ve cancelled my contract.
The Q1 mission can be regarded as a partial success but thanks to "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins I ran slightly "over budget"
The mission was to read 13 books in the first quarter of the year, which for the mathematically astute amongst you would boil down to a book per week. I was in the middle of reading my 13th book [ The bastarding God Delusion ] when the month of April arrived. For those of you that have read Dawkins’ masterpiece you’ll know why I struggled.
So in no particular order, the 13 books completed by 8th April were…
MY Booky Wook – Russell Brand
Biography – Eric Clapton
Humble Pie – Gordon Ramsay
Flashmans Lady – George Bernard Shaw
Flashman and the Mountain of Light – George Bernard Shaw
Quicksilver – Neal Stephenson
A Year In The Merde – Stephen Clarke
Merde Actually – Stephen Clarke
GB84 – David Pearce
Wintersmith – Terry Pratchett
Number One Ladies Detective Agency – Alexander McCall Smith
Tears Of The Giraffe – Alexander McCall Smith
The God Delusion – Richard Dawkins
Emma and I were driving back from our Easter break with Sharon and Stewart in Edinburgh. Easter flipping Sunday and the Scottish police are out with their cameras generating revenue instead of sitting at home with their kids celebrating the day that the good lord climbed out of his cave or something.
The only good thing is…see that fella behind me in the big silver car – well we were racing and as the photographic evidence proves – Steeley wins!!
Here we have a good close up proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that Darren was driving when the skirt wearing haggis eating braveheart watching cock monkeys took the picture. Seriously – 89mph and they get all arsey. Unbelievable.
Myself, Jason, Paul and Uncle C have just returned from a week of carnage in Hong Kong. We went out to watch the annual HK 7s tournament and see which one of us would be able to last the drinking distance. If you’re interested the winners podium would be
The guy in the picture above is Kavin Oh [ and of course me ] who is my facebook buddy and resident of Singapore. He was over there with his wife and managed to liberate one of the spare tickets I ended up with.
Everyone had a good time and more importantly everyone got home safely.
Oh, and as a final farewell – you know that Mr Howarth who is allegedly number 1 on the podium….. lightweight
In a true Alan Titchmarsh meets Sarah Beeny stylee I spent the weekend giving my greenhouse a bit of a revamp. As can be seen from the "Before" picture the place was a bit of a health hazard with odd bits of paving making up the floor. Some might argue, and I am of course referring to my darling wife here, that this is what a proper greenhouse should look like…but not I.
The newly revamped greenhouse has a light smattering of plum slate chippings at 70 quid a tonne [ robbing bastards ] with a lovely geometric pattern of paving stones forming a centrepiece. This bijou little residence is now home to 70 germinating onion seeds, a bunch of pepper plants and some other stuff that I planted that I have since forgotten. So that’ll be a nice surprise in a few months.